Run/Walk for HoPE

Seeing as so many of you who read this blog are from Southern California, we thought you should know about this event being held on October 15th at Biola University. Some members of Rebecca's family are hoping to go and would love to make a group event of it! Online donations can be made on the Familes for HoPE website. Make sure to indicate the donation is for the 5K being held at Biola. Visit Rea of HoPE for more info. You can also find out more by visiting their Facebook page.

We wish we could be there to honor Ellis and celebrate the HoPE that can be found amidst a devastating diagnosis. If you decide to go, please let us know!

3 months

3 months. In many ways I’m shocked to find myself here. How did time move so quickly? My heart remains bound to the moments when I could feel Ellis kick, hear his heartbeat, or better yet, hold him in my arms. And somehow, our time with him seems so far away. For many others, his life may seem distant despite the fact that thoughts of him fasten to every other thought in my mind.  I guess it is just that way when the baby was yours and not somebody else’s.

And yet, with each new day I’m reminded that I’m one day closer to him. My baby is already living a jubilant life in Heaven with Jesus. When I stop and truly consider that, it’s astounding. He’s living and he’s in Heaven with Jesus. It’s exciting. It’s overwhelming. It’s hopeful. It’s good. In my best moments, this is where my mind dwells. I’m praying for more moments like these.

3 months later, there is still so much to process. I keep discovering new things about myself, my husband, our families, our friends, and our God. Every child is a gift and we are continuing to experience the blessing of Ellis, even if we didn’t bring him home with us.  Our hearts ache, because we were the ones left behind, but our hearts can simultaneously celebrate because new life is ours too. Since our God was and is willing to give “new life so generously” we can hold onto that hope. One day, one amazing and glorious day, we will live as Ellis lives: in Heaven with Jesus. I can’t wait.

Titus 3:3-8 (The Message)

"It wasn't so long ago that we ourselves were stupid and stubborn, dupes of sin, ordered every which way by our glands, going around with a chip on our shoulder, hated and hating back. But when God, our kind and loving Savior God, stepped in, he saved us from all that. It was all his doing; we had nothing to do with it. He gave us a good bath, and we came out of it new people, washed inside and out by the Holy Spirit. Our Savior Jesus poured out new life so generously. God's gift has restored our relationship with him and given us back our lives. And there's more life to come—an eternity of life! You can count on this.”

Living well

How do we live life well?

I used to ask this question, or a version of this question, before Ellis was even a hint in my imagination. I wondered about how to best live as a daughter of the King in my circumstances.  I wanted to serve Him well in my role as daughter, sister, friend, wife, and teacher. Nothing extraordinary, just regular life, but the question was how to do it well. Then, April 6^th came, and for the first time I heard the words “incompatible with life.” I now had to figure out how to live life well when my context included waiting for my baby’s birth and impending death. I remember asking Him to help me live those days with beauty. They were hard days, but looking back I can see the good He gave us during that time. And now, since the moment that Ellis was born and so quickly delivered into the hands of Jesus, I again am asking, “How do I live well?”

Each time the answer has been the same and it will continue to be so. Look to Him. There’s no other way. He gives it meaning. The moment I make it about myself, it falls apart. As soon as I try to take the weight of it all upon myself, I begin to crumble. There’s comfort in knowing the answer remains the same, no matter the circumstance. It’s the constant answer to the constant question, even when life is anything but constant. It strengthens me as I face the future, looking ahead to continued days of unknown. Because what I know of Him is good and it will always be that way.

-Rebecca

Don't miss the miracles

Someone observing our lives for the last five months might come to the conclusion that God didn't answer our prayers or perform any miracles.  After all, numerous people from all over the world joined us in lifting up Ellis in prayer for almost three months, yet he died shortly after being born much like the doctors expected.  We believe that over the last couple months God answered many prayers and even performed miracles. 

It's true that God didn't answer our major prayer request the way we hoped He would.  For reasons we don't understand it was His plan to take Ellis home.  Ellis was God's to give and Ellis was God's to take.  But there were many other prayer requests that God graciously granted to us.  Topping the list was that we met Ellis.  From the first ultrasound when we found Ellis's complications to the 25th week when the amniotic fluid went bone dry to the moments when we lost his heart beat during labor, Ellis wasn't supposed to make it.  We prayed fervently that God would give us the chance to meet Ellis alive and God obliged.  God also answered prayer by giving us peace through the really tough times.  There were many occasions between April 6th and June 27th when God covered us in grace, but the one time that sticks out in my mind was our last few moments with Ellis's earthly body.  It was a moment I had dreaded.  In the hours leading up to saying good-bye I didn't think I could do it.  I thought I was going to have to be physically held back from chasing the nurse down the hallway after she took Ellis's body.  In that time we were covered with peace.  We had a wonderful last couple of moments saying good-bye to our son that I will never forget.  It still wasn't easy but we both felt an overwhelming peace when it came time to call the nurse to take Ellis away.

We also believe that God performed many miracles.  Miracles don’t have to break the laws of nature in front of multitudes of people.  We believe miracles are simply the works of God.  Sometimes God parts the seas or walks on water, other times His ways are more subtle but no less profound.  Ellis himself was a miracle, a wonder of God's creation.  The outpouring of support we received from family, friends, and strangers was miraculous.   The impact of Ellis's short life continues to be a miracle.  His story has been in sermons, Sunday school classes, letters, blogs, emails, and conversations.  God is using Ellis’s life, which lasted less than an hour, to reach many lives.  While we can’t fully understand God’s plan to take Ellis, we believe God has given us just a glimpse into His scheme by letting us see some of the ways Ellis impacted people.   For that, we are grateful.

-Tim