Redemption

With great frequency, I find myself re-reading my words from this time last year. I’ve yet to do so and not burst into tears. It doesn’t take much for my heart and mind to rush back to that time, experiencing those emotions as if it’s for the first time. Sometimes, I’m still shocked this is my story. Is it really possible we lived through that? Did our firstborn really come and go so quickly? It seems to be common of the human condition that we struggle to embrace parts of who we are or what we’ve become. I’ve never felt that so strongly until I became Ellis’s mother. And yet, in all of this mess, I see Him doing something beautiful. I look at the short life my baby boy was blessed with and know that God did something amazing there. As I read the words I wrote then, His presence is palpable, even a year later. If I’m being truly honest, I have to admit I struggle to feel and know Him now like I did then. I cling to what I know to be true, but sometimes I wonder how I did it at the time, because it seems more difficult today.

Angie Smith wrote about it this way. I resonate deeply with her words here. It hurts and it’s harder than I thought it could be, but I trust, I know He will redeem all things. The beauty in that promise is simply overwhelming. It restores hope and awakens joy to the inner reaches of my weary soul. 

He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."
Revelation 21:5